Friday, June 12, 2009

4 weeks

So, it's finally that point.
I fly back to the U.S. in exactly 4 weeks.
It feels like an eternity since I've seen my room, my school, and my friends.
Yet at the same time it feels like yesterday that I stepped off that plane, and came into my school knowing hardly any German.
Neither of them are exactly true, but I feel as though both of them are reality. They are my reality.
It's hard to think that I'll have to leave. I really have a second life here. My own life.
I've had a good time the whole time I've been here (with the exclusion of the whole biking accident).
I've felt like I've been a part of my family here and an integrated friend in school, at rowing, and with the other exchange students for a long long time.
There is something about this last month, however, where everything has just seemed to be going so perfectly. I don't even have to think twice when I do something. A new sense of belonging.
I can finally scull here for example. I'm getting used as an example for the younger kids on proper rowing form. I get comments now from my coach like "You can really scull now" and "I'm pleasantly surprised by how much you've improved!"
I can finally ride European style. I get comments from my trainer there too like "You ride correctly now" [correctly European that is ;) ]
Today one of my friends at rowing told me that it's a shame I have to go so soon.
I don't know how I can just pack up and leave, how I can give all this up. I've truelly built my life here and to have it seemingly deminish over night is a terrifying thought.
I know that I'll still have contact with my friends here and the other exchange students, but it's just horrifying knowing I worked so hard for all this and then just having to give it up.
Yes, I can come back and visit, but will I have the same relationship with my friends here?
I know that when I come back to the U.S. I'll be happy to see my friends, to be back in a school I like, but at the moment the thought of coming back is crushing.
I know, however, that going back to the U.S. is inevitable. All I have left to do is live up every moment I have left here, and that is just exactly what I intend to do.

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